Tag Archives: sex

Madness

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Madness.. Why do you torture me? I feel you all over my skin. In my soul. Who do you think you are telling me what to do and who to be? Like a jigsaw puzzle I fall apart and put myself back together to survive. Even when I am completely surrounded, my demons follow me, drive me to live and breathe the way I do.

I long to be.. I long to be so much in so little times. Sometimes I wonder if there is time for it all. But I know I will be..A friend of mine wants me to be..with him despite my convictions and commitments..an affair. These are elements that he presents to me on a daily basis with such vivid matter that there are times I am not sure how to respond… It’s almost like he is working through a delusional realm that binds us in insanity. It rattles me emotionally, physically, mentally. Nothing compares to an imagination of this caliber.

It’s insane I know. Like wanting to posses something that you can just tell that you will never be able to have. Your skin throbs, burns. Your mind wonders day and night about what is out there, what else can you do with yourself to not slowly go insane from longing.. I can tell this is a rage. A rage that makes me forget of my own heart, of days gone by.. Like a green chilli, hot but dreafully full of taste.

The both of them love me, but it seems like I want more. Why do I want more?..

Every Moment Counts

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Every morning at 5am, I send my husband off to work. Much like every other wife I don’t know what is going to happen from day to day. Will he be safe? Will the day be productive? All in all these are things that I obsess over as some might say. The truth is that I am very focused when it comes to time and what it does to every day life. Is there enough time to do what we want to, have to, or even to live in the moments in between those times? Only time will tell…

Last night was one of those occasions. He comes in, doesn’t even kiss me hello, and goes directly into bed and accuses me for “having put a guilt trip on him into kissing me” while he is briefly awake. So then, I stay up half the night, because believe me at this time it’s all I can sleep, thinking about how our lives have changed over the past eight years. I love my husband and I would never be as foolish as to think that our marriage was changing on the account of one kiss. But your mind tends to wonder when you spend a lot of time alone with your thoughts while everyone that you know is out there having a life while you are sitting at home and your partner only spends about an hour with you per day. From what we have all come to accept, society has lead us to think that a kiss can make or break a relationship, and yes ladies and gentlemen, I was in that place last night. Lately, we have spent so little time together on account of his schedule that I really am starting to get the impression that our marriage is changing. That based on something as simple and yet as complex as time that our lifetime commitment was and or is fading. For hours, I went around steamed thinking that our relationship had changed because my husband had not pressed his lips yup against mine for any amount of time. I talked to friends as the night went on about what this may mean. Was he still in love with me? Had his mind changed? Come to find out, he had a cold that he had contracted from a child that was riding in the back seat and coughing as they traveled. Here is my question though.. Would it had killed him to tell me that? Is communicating really that painful?