He comes up to me, and even though he doesn’t kiss me yet because of his cold, and whispers in my ear that he knows that life is hard right now, but that he loves me. This after telling me that as “part of his job” he helps some “little old ladies” to go shopping. If it sounds petty, it probably is, but that made me blow up. The thought that he gets to “go shopping” from time to time while I am sitting here for over 12 hours by myself!!! Oh that is rich! Fine, whatever! But then we start discussing things and he goes back to the whole nonchalant attitude of my feelings are what they are. Fine, they are what they are but they still fucking matter!!! One day a week? Bullshit!! He says that he can take days off for birthdays , anniversaries, and special occasions, but that it takes away his full profit days. Fine, don’t take the days off and keep it to one day a week… let’s see how that affects things.

One thing has come up, and lead to things being the way they are. Amazingly enough, I have become used to him not being home except for once a week. As a result of this, it seems to affect me when he is here for more than one day. Can you believe that? Who feels that way about their husband or wife? I know who.. Someone who does not see their partner for extended periods of time. I even told him so. I told him that I feel like we are dating right now and that he comes over to spend the night every night. This is a defense mechanism, to protect myself from getting too attached to him and getting hurt . Wanna hear something funny? He didn’t even flinch. No reaction from him but just “okay that’s a way to look at it”. I am just going to go on as if nothing is wrong… Who knows, maybe nothing is wrong. Maybe it’s just me being over emotional…Or am I? How long can things go on like this?