The clock goes off. The lights come on. It’s 4am and we are both up, but I know that our motivations are totally different. His is to go to work, and bring in money. Mine is to be here and pray to God that he makes it safe throughout the day. We have no car you know, not since two days ago. That’s gonna put a damper on things. Sure, there is a bus,two miles down the road, but there is a bus that will get him to and from work. That’s got me thinking “what are we doing with our lives”? I mean, I am glad that he has a job, but the job is to cover extras, our bills are paid. I know, I know,how many people besides teenagers can say that, right? I should be grateful, but I am concerned for his safety. He is going out there to a job that earns him extra money to work for a transportation company when we have no transportation of our own. I don’t know, maybe I am reading way too much into it.

Maybe I will work on my jewelry, maybe on my website. I need something to keep me busy so that I can finally stop thinking about what I am really thinking about,. the sex was different. It felt like we were going through the motions, but that something was missing. He got his, but where was mine? It was close, I could feel it, but it was like it was just shy of things. I felt as though something was missing, sexually, emotionally.. I could tell that it was missing something for him too.. I could tell by the way that he went at it. It was missing.. no force that kept it going behind it. I mean, at least for me no sexual force behind it, like I was just following his instincts and what I got out of it was gone… And what was so irritating about it was that I told him how I felt, and I got the “It wasn’t different for me” bit.. Maybe that is what happens when you barely see each other anymore..It either brings things closer,, or it slowly tears them apart..