Category Archives: Every day Life

The every day life of a cab driver’s wife

Every Moment Counts

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Every morning at 5am, I send my husband off to work. Much like every other wife I don’t know what is going to happen from day to day. Will he be safe? Will the day be productive? All in all these are things that I obsess over as some might say. The truth is that I am very focused when it comes to time and what it does to every day life. Is there enough time to do what we want to, have to, or even to live in the moments in between those times? Only time will tell…

Last night was one of those occasions. He comes in, doesn’t even kiss me hello, and goes directly into bed and accuses me for “having put a guilt trip on him into kissing me” while he is briefly awake. So then, I stay up half the night, because believe me at this time it’s all I can sleep, thinking about how our lives have changed over the past eight years. I love my husband and I would never be as foolish as to think that our marriage was changing on the account of one kiss. But your mind tends to wonder when you spend a lot of time alone with your thoughts while everyone that you know is out there having a life while you are sitting at home and your partner only spends about an hour with you per day. From what we have all come to accept, society has lead us to think that a kiss can make or break a relationship, and yes ladies and gentlemen, I was in that place last night. Lately, we have spent so little time together on account of his schedule that I really am starting to get the impression that our marriage is changing. That based on something as simple and yet as complex as time that our lifetime commitment was and or is fading. For hours, I went around steamed thinking that our relationship had changed because my husband had not pressed his lips yup against mine for any amount of time. I talked to friends as the night went on about what this may mean. Was he still in love with me? Had his mind changed? Come to find out, he had a cold that he had contracted from a child that was riding in the back seat and coughing as they traveled. Here is my question though.. Would it had killed him to tell me that? Is communicating really that painful?

The Schedule

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Happiness is often the result of being too busy to be miserable. I swear sometimes I wonder how I am dealing and emotionally surviving being a cab driver’s wife. At first I prepared myself for the early mornings and the fact that our time together was going to diminish to about three percent. But there are some days that it’s ridiculous  I never thought it would be  7:15pm, and he would be asleep for over half an hour. ASSLEEP!!!!!!!!!!! What kind of life is this? My landlord made a statement that made a lot of sense… He said and I quote “so much for married life huh”? What have our lives come to?

I know that he works, and that he is tired when he comes home, but an hour after he gets home and he is dead to the world. I realize that things have to be this way for a while, but really? I am not saying he should not get his sleep, but today I didn’t even get a kiss hello. What is that?

Love

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On our wedding day, a very wise man named Orlando told me that at the end of the day, brothers and sisters move on, parents die, and friends have other interests. You and your husband, each other is all you have. You know, he is a very wise man. Each other is all we have. And over the past 8 years or so, my husband and I, we have held tightly onto each other no matter what. I love him.. that is all I know. I find myself, even as angry as I get at our situation and his schedule, taking care of everything I possibly can so that he doesn’t have to worry about anything extra and focus on his six day a week, twelve hour a day job. Does that seem like love, or like I’m trying to prevent conflict..?

Options

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We all have options. The option to get up in the morning or to push the snooze button, to go to work, to stay faithful,to draw breath. My best friend since high school is going through a really hard time because of the nature of his options. You see, he is in love. He is also the type of guy in “high demand”. He is sweet, handsome, hard working, balanced, and has a lot to offer in many ways. The problem, or issue depending on how you look at it is that he is in love with someone who is not available,  literally…. She is married. Some may automatically gasp at the thought, but I think it’s sweet from the stand point that he won’t let anything , even the fact that someone is unavailable on the account of  marriage not teach him the meaning of love. Don’t get me wrong,  I am not promoting infidelity, I just think his way of going about it is sweet, He’s her lobster….

I guess I have some explaining to do, at least about the whole lobster thing. Once a lobster finds a mate, they are together for the remainder of their days, so I’ve been told. Many species in the animal kingdom follow this practice, and so do some humans. Well, this is what I have seen my friend do, he has found his lobster. To better understand this, we will give these lobsters names.  Let’s call him Andy and her Angel. Those two have been at each other’s radar for over 17 years. They’re there for each other, they flirt with each other, and then they somehow end up with other people. Well, all of this took a different turn when about 9 years ago, Angel showed up to Andy’s hospital bedside with another man. This was a man that Angel had mentioned to Andy several times over the phone, but had never presented in front of him until his heart was in trouble and he ended up in the hospital. It made things complicated. At the time that this happened, Angel and her now husband Craig were just testing the waters to see if things would work as they had only known each other for a few weeks at the time. Andy knew that this was not just a guy for Angel because he could see it in Craig’s eyes that he loved her. Maybe he hadn’t told her, but he knew he loved her. There only problem that day was that Craig could see it in Andy’s eyes that he loved her too. For this reason, each of them paid extra attention to her in any way they could. Their stares towards her were a little longer, their hugs were a little tighter and they would each in their own way sit a little closer when they had the chance.  The three of them til this day act as if their lives came from a scene from Twilight.

 

Angel loves them both. Each with a passion that only belongs to them separately and their individual circumstances. She loves Craig because even though as silly as he may act sometimes, he would never give up what they have. On the other hand Angel loves Andy because he has always been there, and the sheer principle that there is nothing that he wouldn’t do for her… even if it meant  that his whole world would change. So, if your options were open, what would you do?

The Phone Call..

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He’s been gone for over twelve hours. I know he is working, and I understand that work is work and that when you are busy at work, your life outside of it pretty much does not matter until the clock stops running. Most of the day I have been pretty ok, but after about six hours I start to wonder. I start to think about how he is doing, if he’s ok. If he has made any money. I also start to wonder about why he hasn’t called me all damn day! Not even a text message since 5:26am!!

So then he gets home around 6:15pm. Walks in like nothing is wrong. Without any reason as to why for the first time in 8 blessed years I didn’t get any communication from him. Then he waltzes in as though things are ok, kisses me and says let’s go see a movie. Yes I was pissed. So, we check on movie times and we head out. As we are leaving our neighborhood, I tell him that yes this situation is hard, but that I will work to get through it. We have never been in this type of situation, so it will take time for things to sink in. To which he replies that he understands but that I have unresolved issues and that there was nothing he could do, so that he was not going to get too deep into the situation because there is nothing he could do about it . He said that if he gets too deeply involved that he would only be feeding the fire.. To which I said to him that he didn’t have to be involved and that I was just letting him know how I felt about it. That he didn’t have to give me a solution.

The rest of the night, things went ok. A little cold, but ok. When we got out of the car, he gave me a long, tight hug, to which I responded half way. He kept looking at my left hand, wedding ring missing, but engagement ring still there. No further discussion needed about that, we have already discussed it, but I see out of the corner of my eye that it does affect him. I know it may seem mean, and believe me, I apologize if it does, but the thing is you as a married person have to understand that those things are important. Anyway, another story for another day. Where were we? Oh yeah, we got our tickets and went to the movie. Throughout this film, we were exchanging pleasantries, about the movie while trying to decide how to hold hands even though we were in two entirely different places emotionally. Once the movie ended, we discussed it a little bit. I told him that it made me laugh. I said that it was the first time in almost a week that I had laughed. That statement even hurt me when I heard it, but I have to be strong and nonchalant about it, so we went on about our business. He didn’t say much about it… It’s ok, he didn’t have to.

We went home, and it was ok. We talked a little more freely about general things, I was almost over whatever was bothering me throughout the day. I was almost to the point of accepting that when he is at work, I will not hear from him. It was something to get used to, but I was going to be ok. As we pulled up to the house out of nowhere, maybe I don’t remember what we were even talking about ,he very casually tells me that he made time to call a friend from work because he had called him a few times during the day to talk about the stock market. To this I just in a very soft voice said, that just made it worse. He had time to socialize, but not to even say I love you to me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not as big a bitch as I currently appear, I am just trying to understand. We are , or used to be , very close. So close that we had never in eight years gone more than a few hours without communicating with each other , and now all of a sudden his number one goes to number three…So, let me get this straight, his friend leaves him a message and he calls him back to talk about the stock market , and me his wife is sitting at home wondering how things are and doesn’t interrupt him and I get squat?!?!?! That is crap!!!!! I guess when you are on the clock courtesy is selective and money takes precedence. The wife can wait and wonder, but the stock market gets his precious time. It’s ok, things happen the way they supposed to for a reason.

The next morning, he was casual about everything, then he comes and lays down next to me and says that he will try to promote into something better as soon as humanly possible and kisses me. I kissed him back with the same softness and intention that he kissed me with. However, I think that it was obvious to him that our feelings for each other are not mutual at the moment. “It’s ok, the feelings, they will return “ was the expression on his face when he pulled back from kissing me and got up from the bed. As he lifted his body from the bed, I told him”tell James I said hi”, to which he replied “I just talked to him for two minutes”, and I said “ok”. He then proceeds to grab his belongings for the day as we go over the list of things that he needs, puts his work shirt on, and as he is about to leave the bedroom, he reassures me that he will “try to make time to call or text me today, at least to check in”. He turns off the light, and off he goes…. Lord protect him and help him deal with a crazed wife while trying to be productive….. We will see how it works out for yet another day….

The Good Life

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My cousin is a doctor. Right now she is doing her residency and so she works close to 16 hours a day. We are all very proud of her. I know that it takes dedication and real desire to be able to get this done. I find that since her schedule is so busy and she lives so far away, that our time with her is really precious. She used to be with this really nice guy, but I think , from what I remember her commitments and schedule broke them up. It was a real shame because they are or were I’m not sure a really cute, devoted, and sweet couple. They used to be inseparable.

I am now starting to understand what her boyfriend went through while trying to have a relationship with her. As I have mentioned before , I recently became the wife of a cab driver. Don’t get me wrong, we have been married for over 7 years, so us getting together is not new, but the job is new. This also means that the schedule is new. Anyway, we are trying to make it. However , I am starting to notice some changes between us. I know that to some of you who read this , it may seem like I am complaining all the time. Let me be clear, this is not complaining, these are mere observations. Complains are the type of thing you just talk about without really wanting to do anything about changing your situation. Observations are totally objective and when you see something about the situation that you don’t like then the observer may choose to change what is happening by doing something about it. These are observations, so far.  However, I am starting to see some changes that may need to be made.

Let’s step back into a few days ago if you will.  When the training started, we were both all for it.. The first thing I noticed was that his schedule seems to be very close to that of a doctor’s schedule. While this schedule does not include the debt of the medical degree, or the inside information into the health care system, it does seem to include the isolation of it. The other day, I noticed that when my husband stopped by to see a friend before he came home. I usually don’t mind that, but I hadn’t seen him in over 12 hours, so naturally, I wanted to be the first one that got to see him outside of work. Another thing that happened was that when he finally got home, all he did was take a shower, eat dinner, and 20 minutes later crawl into bed and pass out until the alarm clock went off at 5am claiming that he was just going to take a nap. No conversation to speak off except to defend his schedule, and to tell me about how his hours would change in a few days into 2 hours earlier from the present schedule. I guess I am noticing that I have to take a number now when it comes to my husband. I don’t mind, I am used to having to take a number when it comes to romance, but it’s new when it comes to having to take a number with my husband. I am used to being his number one. Is it wrong on me to want the perks of a doctor’s schedule even through we may not have the salary? Or am I entitled to be the first appointment on my husband’s schedule?