This is another Piece of the book I am working on…

Dawn..

2:46 am
Dawn approaches in the horizon.Dolores is awake again, alone. Her husband says he needs to rehydrate, so he will be back to be in a little while. Okay, sure go ahead and rehydrate, but I know what it turns into, a war against the roach kingdom. We have got to get out of Florida. That is only the beginning. We all know what those roaches represent. They are a reminded of the sick and twisted mind of Tom. How he took over their house within the thirteen months that he was living under their roof. How he had planned to take over his wife Dolores. He knew it. He knew it from the moment that he got off the plane that this was his plan all along from the way he stared at his wife just a little too long during conversation. He knew it from the way he would try to take over their time, or intent to tell her when to get home from work. One time while sitting across from each other, Tom told David about how he wished that he wasn’t in the picture or how he was waiting for him to die so that he could take over as Dolores’ husband. This was not something that Dolores wanted. She ha d to admit that there were times she wondered what it would be like to be married to Tom, but them Tom would kick into one of his strange and obnoxious habits and she would realize that she was much better off with David.

I am writing a novel, and I was wondering how this sounds…. Anyone is welcome to put in their two constructive cents….

As I lie awake here in the middle of the night alone, I wonder something. Is this one of the reasons some women cheat? Is it because of lack of companionship? I mean, emotional companionship, not just someone that lies next to you at night, someone that for example in my case comes back to bed from the bathroom instead of staying awake half the night, and then sleeps away half of the following day. How can anyone be productive when they are doing something like that.

I sit up and night and think about these things. Is my husband okay? Should I do something to make things better? The other night, I threw myself at him and halfway through what would have been perfectly good, adventorous foreplay, he tells me that he feels like he is going to throw up! Really? I am on top of him bumping and grinding, topless and close to an orgasm and he tells me that all of a sudden he feels like he is going to throw up! I can understand him not feeling up to it, but damn, at least tell me that before I make a total fool of myself. See?, this is one of the reasons I think about the things I do when I am awake in the middle of the night. Don’t get me wrong, I have as great husband. He and I have been inseparable since the day we met eight years ago. He is patient , and kind, and would and has done just about anything for me. Even go as far as putting my needs before his. And honey, if you ever get to read this, I am venting, not ever thinking of going with anyone else. I just like you and everyone else, needed a chance to get things off my chest. I just feel bad when almost every night, I wake up alone in the middle of the night, and stay alone until close to daylight while you are in the other room for only God knows what any other reason killing cockroaches.

“If we’re going to out-innovate and out-educate the rest of the world, then we have to open doors to everyone… We need all hands on deck. And that means clearing hurdles for women and girls as they navigate careers in science, technology, engineering, and math.” —First Lady Michelle Obama

I feel the same way. However, the question on everyone’s mind is , How are we going to implement this? Where are our resources? If we are the supposedly the richest, most bountyful country in the worl, then what is really going on? Where are all the promises that were promised to us being fullfiled? Yes, I know, we are fighting two wars, but has anyone looked at what is really going on in our own backyard? Our own kids are starving, jobs are scarce, even our education sstem has gone to the pits! I kow I am just some little girl in a wheelchar with big dreams of being a tacher, but I am doing my part. I am going to school, getting my certifications and even working ! Who’s next? Let’s go!

What’s next?
Having officially let go of my job did many things to me. The first which I wasn’t expecting was relief. Relief that I’m not being screamed at every time that phone goes ding ding. Relief that someone else’s financial future is not in my hands anymore. I feel a little more relaxed that I’m not going to fail my call based on not telling the customer one word. I don’t regret having let go of my job, at least mentally.

On the other hand, OMG! I just freaking quit! What am I going to freaking do?!!! What did I just freaking do?!!! Am I stupid? I didn’t freaking think!!! What am I doing to my family?!! We are going to lose everything!! Ok, breathe. Things are going to be okay. Your sanity is worth more than $10 an hour. Oh God I just gave up $10 an hour! You know what, let us end up on the street! Financial freedom will come!Yes , I admit, stress made me quit my job! My health is more importan! I would rather struggle in heaven than have paradise in hell!

I am sitting here, trying desperately to make sense of my life. I am from Orlando, and I know that right now things are not great there, but I am so homesick that I can’t stand it. I wake up in the morning and expect to the be able to just go out the door and see what I am used to seeing on an every day basis. I mean, I do admit that I am better off here, but things are more accessible down there. I guess I should tell you I am in a wheelchair and it is a little more difficult for me to get around than the average person. I live on the third floor of a house converted into apartments. I am not used to having to depend on anyone just to move from point A to point B in order to get things done. I just want to be able to get around in my own space.