So we’re in between two cities right now. Sitting in Orlando thinking about Baltimore, and then we’re sitting in Baltimore thinking about Orlando. It’s almost like having two lovers and wanting to keep everyone happy. You’re stuck in the middle and everyone is pulling you their own way. I keep asking my husband what he wants to do about any of the situation, but he keeps going back and forth on the issue and trying to make him make a decision is like milking a dead cow ( believe me the saying makes more sense in Spanish but whatever).

On the other hand, there is a freaking budget to think about. I have learned, sometimes the hard way that moving back and forth across the country can’t just be done with an aching heart or a hard budget. I feel like the damn government. I want my mystic nights and my friends close when I need them. At the same time I want to be able to make it without sweating every month because things are so expensive and the pay sometimes is not as plentiful as I want it to be.

Oh how I wish I didn’t feel like I was cheating on someone just because I feel like my needs are not being met by one specific city. It’s a freaking city, not a human being!!  I keep telling myself to give it time for things to work, but I’m not fine. I need to feel as though I can feel comfortable in my own skin! But, where is that gonna happen? Is that ever gonna happen? Is there anywhere I am supposed to belong, or do i even belong anywhere? Is it silly that every time that I turn the tv on and hear about a Pumpkin Latte that I see that Indigo sky the way that I grew up seeing it? I know that things change as you grow up, but can’t things just give me a sign?Throw me a freaking bone? Or, is life really gonna give it to me hard and drag me through the dark hollowed hallways of an old house full of memories?